Book Talk

I got tagged by my old chum Rick, an avid reader (moreso than me these days), but it has taken me a while to compile this list about books. I could not think of a single book that I wish had not been written. That aside, here are his questions and my responses:

1. One book that changed your life - Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson (the first "big" book I ever read)

2. One book that you’ve read more than once - God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater, by Kurt Vonnegut

3. One book you’d want on a desert island - The Norton Anthology of English Literature

4. One book that made you laugh - A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

5. One book that made you cry - The Littlest Duckling

6. One book that you wish had been written - A sixth book in the ever increasingly misnamed Hitchhiker's trilogy

7. One book you wish had never been written - ?

8. One book you’re currently reading - The Devil and Miss Prym by Paul Coelho

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read - The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer

My Letter to Ronald

McDonald’s Corporation
2111 McDonald's Dr
Oak Brook, IL 60523

Dear McDonalds,

First of all, let me say what is probably no secret around your offices in Oak Brook – you have the best fries, hands down! I read that the congressional cafeteria in Washington got rid of the Freedom Fries and went back to French Fries. Which type do you prefer?

Anyway, I digress.

The reason I am writing has to do with your breakfast menu. I have purchased breakfast hundreds of times from your store at 6th Avenue and Virginia Street in Seattle, and have always enjoyed the ice cold orange juice that comes in the plastic cup with the foil lid.

Today, after a hiatus of many, many months away from your breakfasts, I retuned to the fold for a McMuffin product and an orange juice. But what they were passing off as orange juice wasn’t. It was in a little Ronald McDonald Happy Meal cup (I did not purchase the Happy Meal) and it wasn’t orange juice. It was TANG, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

McDonalds, TANG is not real juice. It is orange, and sweet, but so is orange soda. Not juice. I feel misled. If I had wanted TANG, I would have ordered TANG. I encourage you to be more accurate with how you advertise your menu items. This reminds me of that fry issue you people had a few years ago with the muslims.

Make mine 100% orange juice (from concentrate)!

Me-Speak

Some months ago, my pal Chuck had up on his blog an analysis of his speech infulences , and I was curious as to what type of American English I speak, and how much of my Southern-speak I have lost.

I took the on-line test and here are my results:

My Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

25% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Fourth Row Center

See my comments on the movie Scoop at Fourth Row Center.

The End of Carry-On Baggage?

Last Thursday a US congressman suggested that the convenience of carrying our luggage onto commercial aircraft may be over. Can we possibly survive without carry-on luggage?

As one who flies frequently I enjoy the convenience of carrying my luggage on and off the airplane. It's fast, efficient, and I save a couple of bucks not having to tip the porter. Besides, I do not enjoy having to linger at baggage claim with a weary mob queuing for position next to the carousel, waiting for that first mis-handled suitcase to come tumbling down the metal chute.

As much as I enjoy the convenience of carrying my bag on the plane, I will be the first to say that the era of carry-on luggage has gotten way out of hand. Has anybody noticed recently that most travelers ignore the size restrictions that are imposed and supposedly enforced by the airlines? By far the majority of the huge bags, bulging at the seams, that passengers attempt (and often fail) to shove into the already packed overhead would never fit into the tiny Does Your Bag Fit? display at the gate. These people are heading out for months-long sojourns, and they don't even bother to check their suitcases!

The elevated travel restrictions imposed last week have prompted me to think in a different way.

When I traveled from Denver to Seattle last Friday, most travelers had been prepared for the ban on liquids, and by far the majority of the travelers I saw that day were empty handed. A few, like me, carried a laptop bag or handbag. Only one or two idiots still carried their kitchen sinks.

Friday's travel experience (except for the wait at the carousel at the very end) was so refreshingly pleasant for me that I have to admit I am not opposed to a ban on carry-on luggage. Purse, laptop, okay, but luggage - no.

Aside from the obvious security benefits, three things are accomplished with a ban on carry-on luggage:

1) Lines at the security checkpoints are much shorter, and the security checks themselves are quicker. Less hassle and shorter lines equals diminished frustration and an more pleasant pre-flight experience.

2) Boarding is accomplished with greater ease and speed. After the first class cabin was seated, my United flight boarded "all sections, all rows," and this very full flight was on board in minutes. Those few of us who had some kind of carry-on merely utilized the space beneath the forward seat. Without every passenger having to pound over-stuffed bags into overhead bins we were all seated and ready to go in record time. When the main cabin was seated, the open luggage bins were eerily empty, and one flight attendant said, "I've got nothing to do."

3) Finally, with little luggage in the overhead bins the plane de-boards more quickly after reaching its destination. Instead of being held up in the aisle by some slob whose ninety pound Samsonite is stuck in the bin, I was delayed ever so slightly by a half-blind woman with a cane tapping about in front of me.

I will trade a few unpleasant moments at the carousel in order to avoid being struck on the back of the head by an errant American Tourister.

The Tennis Ball Test

Today my wife is guest blogger.


To find out if Daddy bought the wrong size underpants, simply perform the tennis ball test:


Yup. Too big.

Using Seinfeld's Line

While traveling this week I arrived at the counter of a well-known car rental company only to be told there were no cars. I was fortunate to have been near the front of what became a long, slow, angry line.

My travel agency had made the reservation two weeks before, yet when I stepped up to the counter the lady whose nametag read "Sunshine" said, "We don't have a car on the entire lot."

"I'll take an economy. Down-grade me to your worst."

"No passenger cars at all," she said.

At this point I heard a woman with kids at the station next to me say to her attendant, "You're kidding!"

"Not even a tiny, old, crumpled car out back?" I asked.

Sunshine told me that all the sedans and SUV's on her lot were already reserved for their premium customers. I asked her if she had my name and confirmation number in her computer, and she said yes.

Then I employed a favorite line from an episode of Seinfeld: "Obviously you know how to take the reservation, but you don't know how to hold the reservation."

The comment got me nowhere. Had I not been so unnerved at her reaction at that moment, I would have snapped a photograph of Sunshine's stormy expression with my cell phone camera.

They got me into a mini-van a short time later, but I have to say that I was the only person who found humor in that great line from Seinfeld.

My Kind of Game

Last night’s game at Safeco Field is the kind of baseball game I truly enjoy. The seats were nice, club section behind home plate. It was very warm but not hot. The company was enjoyable. My hot dog was tasty, and for the first time ever I consumed a ballgame dog with more than just yellow mustard on it. And the game was decided in the tenth.

A matched game, the Mariners and Devil Rays entered extra innings 1-1. During the bottom of the tenth, the M’s loaded the bases (with to intentional walks) and with one out Richie Sexon ended the game with a grand slam to center field on a 1-0 pitch.

The Mariners may be stumbling this season, but it's always good to win one at home. And is there a better way to win a ballgame than with a grand slam at the bottom of the tenth?

Coming up:

• The Devil Rays are in town again tonight, third of three.
• Beckham comes to the Emerald City for a little exposition action as Real Madrid takes on DC United at Qwest Field.
• At Key Arena, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw.
• And a don’t-miss: The Cindy Sheehan Show is coming to the University of Washington. Tickets are $225 per person – proceeds go toward the purchase of a vacant lot across from Dick Cheney’s hunting cabin.

End of the Dog Days

In villages in China, people are dying of rabies. Sixteen in one village as of Friday.

The response? Kill all the dogs. It's been pretty ugly. (In Seattle we do something similar with Canadian geese; not because they kill people, but because they are messy.)

Persons for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are putting s stop to this massacre in China, thank goodness. They are canceling $300 worth of orders for products made in China. This clever move - truly unexpected and crippling in its financial impact - will surely pressure the Chinese into ending this horrendous practice and force them to vaccinate their canine hordes against rabies. A campaign to spay and neuter will surely be next.

Without ludicrous and ineffective symbolic gestures, this animal rights organization would have no press at all.

Coming up next: the 2008 Olympics, 100% dog free. Stay tuned!

My Bag

I saw that my friend Rick recently came into possession of a new bag. The appropriate bag is an essential accoutrement for today's mobile man. To those that don't normally carry a bag with them as part of their daily routine might look upon a bag such as mine as impedimenta; but a reliable, well-constructed bag is an extension of the modern man, a constant friend and companion.

Rick's post inspired me to introduce to my three regular readers my own well-traveled laptop bag, pictured above in the passenger seat of my car.

• Age: 8 years
• Cities visited: Atlanta, Seattle, Chicago, Columbia SC, Dallas, Denver, Ft. Lauderdale, Irvine, Las Vegas, Miami, Nashville, New York, Palo Alto CA, Phoenix, Portland, San Jose, St. Louis, Tampa and Toronto
• Air miles: over 100,000
• Contents (today as of 4:30 PM PDT): one laptop computer, two Pentel pens, a mechanical pencil, two packs of Trident gum, ear buds, one DVD (Play it Again, Sam), a Palm TX, my Treo, eleven file folders, three current magazines (Newsweek, Premiere and Esquire), one book (Discovering Solutions to Everyday Challenges), twenty-three cents in change, one coffee club card, an outdated travel itinerary, a photo of my wife, two photos of my daughter, two drawings by my daughter of our family and two walleye fillets (since removed to the refrigerator)

The Dog Days of Summer

On a recent trip to Denny Creek in the Washington Cascade Mountains, it was our dog, Polly, who found the best way to cool off on a hot July day.

Targeting Jews in America

I left work at four o'clock today in the middle of a mess of sirens and people that I discovered, once I was in my car, was an attack at the Jewish Federation Building in Seattle. I managed to drive out of the area before the streets were shut down.

The news reports that a suspect of Pakistani descent has been arrested for murdering one person and woulding perhaps five others. The police suggest the gunman was targeting Jewish people.

My colleagues called me after I left to report that they have been asked by police to leave.

Film critic Michael Medved, who hosts a syndicated radio program out of Seattle, reported that many American Jews are having to take precautions against hatred and harm, even here in the United States. He said that some synagogues had been hiring security during their high holy days.

Tonight, as the Jewish Sabbath begins, police are being dispatched to protect worshippers at local synagogues.

My heart and prayers go out to those affected by this terrible event.

Beaming Up My Chief Engineer

I saw in the news yesterday that the remains of James Doohan, the actor who played Chief Engineer Scott in Star Trek, are being shot into space in October.

The actor lived in Redmond, Washington, near a business acquaintance of mine who used to run into him on occasion. I never liked hearing that the actor was a regular guy who spoke with an American accent.

To me, he will always be Scotty.

Aye.

Complaining About the Heat

The average temperature this time of year in Seattle is 76 degrees. Yesterday it was 95. One of these days I gotta get me an air conditioner...
Wait. Oh yeah. I have an air conditioner. I bought one from my friend Erik. 9,000 BTU's. Back in February. It's been in storage on the 11th floor of my building since. In fact, it has never been in my possession and I think I only looked at it once. (It's white.) I bought it on a whim before I realized I did not know how to install it.

I found out today that one of the guys took it home over the weekend to cool his family. He noticed it had been sitting in the storage room for months and figured...

I couldn't blame him. He has four kids. "I didn't know it was yours," he said. I pictured him and his family in the one room, gathered around the air conditioner, the mother-in-law lingering nearby. He apologized again and added, "I can pay you."

"Keep it," I said, and for a moment I coveted my own air conditioner. I don't know why I told him to keep it. It's been so hot that my family have not slept in our own beds for four nights.

"Keep it," I said. "Keep it."

It was probably the heat.

My New Favorite Actor

I had wanted to see Beyond the Sea, the Kevin Spacey film about Bobby Darin, when it was released in December 2004, but I never got around to it probably because I am not that familiar with Darin, only a small handful of his songs. My interest in the film was in seeing Spacey, an actor whose work continues to delight me in film after film. For my money, The Usual Suspects and L.A. Confidential would have suffered without his brilliant performances.

Beyond the Sea was less a biography in the tradition of Ray or Walk the Line, and more of a musical in the true sense of the term. Spacey takes a clever approach to telling Darin's story, stepping out of the narrative at times, framing his story with a dialogue between Darin as an adult and as a child. Spacey has a remarkable voice, more than held his own in the dance numbers, and he brought a passion for the subject matter that overrode my disinterest toward Darin and his career.

The reviews had been mixed: for every critic who praised Spacey and his achievement as an actor, director, producer and writer of the film, there was harsh criticism that the film and Spacey's performance were vainglorious. My take is this: it was a risk to make a film about Bobby Darin, and Spacey's approach was bold. He took the chance in performing Darin's songs and it paid off in spades.

We finished watching Beyond the Sea and my wife said, "I think Kevin Spacey's my new favorite actor." I could not disagree. He is a talented performer with an unusual but powerful screen presence.

When I turned off the DVD there was another Spacey movie on IFC, a little gem called The Big Kahuna. "The best movie ever made about evangelism" is how my friend Rick describes it. Yeah, Spacey was great in that one, too. He just might be my new favorite actor.

A Canine Affair

A reunion of sorts took place on Sunday, on a farm in a place called Eatonville, Washington.

My daughter and I took our Labrador retriever, Polly, back to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm where she was bred and born three years ago September. There, Polly was reunited with her father, Scout, and her sister, CeCe. The rest of Polly's siblings are scattered abroad. Her mother, Sydney, was killed in a tragic encounter with an automobile just a few weeks ago, but Polly seemed nonplussed at the news when we told her, and furthermore seemed not to notice her absence on the farm.

My daughter and the other kids enjoyed riding Sprout, the pony, and I was proud of my daughter for finally riding around the paddock on her own, without Anna leading the pony.

The kids rode the pony, cooled off on the slip-n-slide and relaxed in the hot tub at the end of the long day.

The dogs ran amok, chased the horses and each other, rolled around in their kiddie pool and tried the slip-n-slide once or twice.

The grown-ups chased the kids, chased the dogs, tended to injuries (one of the kids dropped the baby, Polly blew out her knee, Anna's bare foot was stepped on by Sprout) and generally kept order amid the chaos.

It was a fine way to spend a warm, breezy Washingtonian Sunday.

Family Photo

On a recent trip to South Carolina I had the privilege of spending some time with my niece. My daughter had the opportunity to get to know her cousin. And everyone had a good time. We don't have too many opportunities for family photographs of this sort, so when they happen, it's special.

Presently I am trying to arrange a trip back to South Carolina to see my niece, as well as the rest of my family, whom I miss very much. Hopefully, we'll get something booked for a trip back east after Labor Day, giving me the opportunity for more family photos of this sort.

The Return of a Timeless Friend

Mission Impossible III opened around Memorial Day, but because I was so consumed with the Seattle Film Festival, the Tom Cruise movie was moved to the bottom of my list. My frequent movie buddy Mike and I had talked about seeing this one, and we finally got around to it last Saturday night.

Flashback now, many years, to a downtown Seattle cinema, as I am asking a question I would continue to ask time and time again to the mostly kids working the movie theater candy counters:

"Why don't you carry Goobers?"

I have been diligent in asking the question ever since, and have received a variety of responses. At the Cineplex Odeon on Pine Street (a favorite venue back in the day), I was told that Goobers was not very popular. "Nobody eats those anymore," the ticket-taker told me.

"I do," I responded. "They're crunchy peanuts coated in rich milk chocolate. Who wouldn't want a box of Goobers with their popcorn and ice-cold Diet Coke?" The kid stared at me like I had suggested eating escargot as a movie snack.

The folks at the Egyptian told me the same thing. A kid working the candy counter at the Big Valley told me back in the fall that he had never heard of them.

Fast forward to last Saturday night. Mike and I purchased tickets to MI:III at the Big Valley and enter the theater about ten o'clock.

As we were walking past the candy counter toward the auditoriums, debating whether or not to purchase any snacks, something in the candy display caught Mike's eye and he stopped in his tracks and exclaimed, "They have Goobers!"

"Come on!"

"Goobers! I'm serious!"

The kid working concessions told us they had just gotten Goobers in the day before, and that they seemed to be moving very well.

MI:III is nothing if not a popcorn movie, and as I have said in this space in the past, the combination of popcorn, Coca-Cola and Goobers is second to none as part of the movie-going experience. (I will at this juncture defer those who might substitute Raisinets for Goobers -- after all, Raisinets are the first cousins of Goobers, and both candies are made by Nestle).

I enjoyed MI:III in large part due to the box of Goobers nestled in my shirt pocket. I look forward to returning to the Big Valley with Mike tonight for another popcorn flick -- Pirates of the Caribbean II. And yes, I will enjoy that feature if only because of the familiar box of Goobers that will be open and waiting in my shirt pocket.

Corn Fed

My wife's guest blog:

Most people celebrated the 4th yesterday. And so did we... it's just that our daughter's biggest celebration was finishing off her 3rd piece of corn.

"Whoever loves corn so much they could blow their top, raise your hand!" she exclaimed.

In the picture you can see the flag-design placemats she made for the occasion. She also insisted that we sing "Happy Birthday" to America before eating. Wish y'all could have been here to taste my husband's prize BBQ ribs and my fresh-from-the-tree cherry cobbler! I couldn't resist sharing the photo!

My July 4th, 2006

What I'm drinking: Newman's Own Virgin Limeade

What I'm eating: Barbecue spare ribs

What I'm doing: Picking cherries in my back yard

What I'm watching: Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi channel

What I'm reading: Wisdom of Our Fathers, by Tim Russert

What I'm listening to: At This Time, Burt Bacharach

Who I'm Spending the 4th with: My wife and daughter