My Little TV

I have a little TV. It dates back to my bachelor days, and for years now it has been in the bedroom. When we got DirecTV and the Bose Lifestyle system a couple of years ago I did not bother to put the satellite TV in the bedroom. I just hooked up the old VCR/DVD combo to the little TV and that was that.

The one problem with the little TV is that the power button somehow fell into the TV case, and you could only turn the TV on or off with the remote. I did manage, on occasion, to reach my pinky finger into the hole that occupied the space where the power button had been and find it inside the TV case and could operate the power switch that way, but it was difficult and hurt my finger.

(I will add here that my wife suspects the TV power button was broken some seven or so years ago by the fat super that used to work in our building, back when we lived in the city. She alleges that the fat super would come into our apartment and hang out and watch TV. No proof, however, ever materialized, save for his suspicious nature and his fat suspicious fingers.)

A few months ago I bought a new VCR/DVD recorder combo and a flat screen for the bedroom and the little TV was delegated to the garage with all the other stuff we no longer use.

Which brings me to today.

I decided to get rid of the TV (maybe ten bucks on Craig's List?) and so set about to repair the power button. I took the back off the TV and was surprised at the sheer amount of wires, circuit boards and other plastic doo-dads surrounding the picture tube on the inside of the little TV. I managed to fish out the power button from inside the casing but the space was too tight for me to adequately place it where it was supposed to go, so I went about removing the big circuit board.

With each bit of progress I made in guiding the errant power button back into its proper position, some wire would pop off, or one of the little doo-dads would roll out of the TV and onto the floor.

By the time I had the power button back in place, I had to figure out where all of the wires and doo-dads went, and set about restoring the guts of the little TV.

When the casing was screwed back into place I tested out the power button. Click. Click. As good as new. I was pleased with my resourcefulness and fancied myself something of a technical Mr. Fixit.

Plugging the TV in to test out my handiwork I found that, although the power button was back in its hole for the first time in nearly a decade, and went click click like it was supposed to, nothing else -- and I mean nothing else -- worked at all! No sound. No picture. No hum when the little TV was plugged in and the power button pressed. Not even the remote managed to turn the cursed thing on.

Now my little TV is dead, but far from gone. I will have to find a place to recycle it. It has become a burden now, sitting atop the dog's crate in the garage an eyesore and constant reminder of my inability to repair much of anything.

Oh, what I would have given for the talents of the fat super just one more time.

Where in the World?

This 16-foot tall brass rendering is the only statue of Vladimir Lenin ever created depicting him as a revolutionary. Other monuments to Lenin portray him as a statesman. His figure here is augmented by a stack of rifles and flames.

Does your dog have a license?

I saw a notice that came in the mail reminding us to renew our dog’s license. What is the purpose of the pet license? I can understand having a license to operate a motor vehicle, or to practice medicine. The state has a responsibility to ensure that those extended the priviledge of driving a car or stitching up patients more or less understand what it is that they are doing and are held to account by the government.

But a license to exist as a pet? After all, I noticed that the license is in the dog’s name, and not ours. The license is hers. She carries it around with her everywhere she goes. I do the same thing with my drivers license.

I suppose it’s a good thing to have a registry of pets centrally located in the event one’s pet turns up lost and finds its way into the pound. That’s worth paying for.

Could it possibly be that a dog license in the county is nothing but a …. TAX? A tax on pets? I can only imagine the first guy to think up taxing our pets driving around thinking, there must be thousands of dogs in this town. Hmmm.

Seasoned Traveler

My daughter is such a seasoned traveler that I can forget she's a child.

We've taken many trips together across the country, and she's logged a couple hundred thousand air miles before age eight, an age at which I had never even flown. We were on the road (and in the air) again together last week.

While browsing magazines in the C Terminal at the Atlanta airport she says, "No time for that Dad. We've got to pop down to A terminal for some takeout before hopping the 57 at B-31. We board in twenty minutes and we've got a sweet zone number. Flight's overbooked so we can't take chances. Let's get moving!"

This while she was purchasing a novelization of the movie Igor with her debit card, which was declined.

Sleeping In

I slept in this morning for the first time in…I honestly don't recall. I awoke naturally, at 10 am, refreshed, my mind and body having slept without the daily interruption of the cursed alarm clock. My wife was hours gone, off to class, and I bolted out of bed to discover that my daughter, who has been know to rise at 5:30 in the morning on weekdays in order to watch cartoons on BOOM, was fast asleep.

She lumbered downstairs about an hour later, giving me time to enjoy a couple of cups of coffee.

We enjoyed a nice day of it: brunch, errands to the bank, the cleaners, the pharmacy, Starbucks.

I need to figure out a way to continue the run, waking naturally and rising not when my alarm clock tells me to, but when my body does.

Open Wide. No, Wider.

I was taken by surprise today, not having realized I had a dental appointment.

I don't like dental appointments, and this was a new dentist.

At least it was quick.

It was odd that she wore little plastic baggie things on her hands, and not the usual rubber gloves. But whatever.

She examined my teeth and told me I had four fillings and one crooked tooth.

Then my teeth were cleaned. I hate the whine of that electric tooth cleaner, but the toothpaste was minty and fresh.

I spit in a receptacle that resembled a cowboy boot.

The dentist then stuffed cotton balls, coated with a minty blue substance, into my mouth and I lay there for a while before they were removed. Water was then poured into my mouth from a canteen and I was forced to get out of the chair and spit into a sink located in another room.

At that point it was all over, and I was given a piece of paper with a follow-up appointment that read:

Clean? YES
Next Appointment: Friday Jan 30 $7:30

And it was signed.

Those Meddling Kids

I saw their van parked in a lot downtown, and could only wonder what ghoulish mystery was afoot in our rainy city.


My daughter asked me if they had their dog with them, but I replied I only saw their van.

(On a related note, I heard Scrappy had mange and died. I do hope that is true.)

In answer to George's Question

Yes, as a matter of fact, she does wear trenchcoats and fedoras.

Like Father Like Daughter

I read in the paper the other day that Seattle is no longer the most caffeinated city in America. Tampa, Florida, takes first place. Yet Seattle remains the coffee capital of the world. Tampa takes the top caffeine award due to the consumption of massive quantities of iced tea, chocolate and energy drinks.

Make mine a double tall non-fat hazelnut latte.

My daughter will take a house drip with cream and sugar. This kid is a grumpus in the morning until she has her coffee.

Just like her Dad.

No Late Fees?

It's embarrassing how few movies I have watched at home during the latter part of 2008. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that the three movies that had arrived from Netflix in back in May were still floating around the house.

Lars and the Real Girl was unwatched. I did manage to view the first half hour or so of Felini's 8 1/2, but the wife would have nothing to do with it so I turned it off. The same went for Truffaut's Day for Night -- I caught but the first part of the movie and that was it.

All three movies arrived about the time the Seattle Film Festival was starting, and I had shelved them for viewing later on. During the festival I would see two, three or four movies a day, and the last thing I wanted to do when I got home is watch a movie on DVD.

So right before New Year's, some seven months after they had arrived, I collected my rented DVDs and dropped them in the mail. Three DVD's, seven months late, and no late fees.

While I am on the subject of late fees, I know someone who has three items checked out of the Lexington County Public Library which are stamped due (yes, stamped) November 16, 1978.

Can anyone venture an estimate on what my, er, my friend's late fees would be were he to return the books on February 1 of this year?

A Blast from the Past - 1986

Twenty-two years ago, the school pictured in the background was never "ugly" in my mind. By today's standards, however....

The two nameless persons pictured left were accused of hijacking their senior yearbook. Hogwash. They merely stepped up to the plate and provided the lion's share of the content. The photo at left is one of many pictures of themselves that never made it into the final edition.

Photo by Malcolm, taken for the high school yearbook, from my personal files.

List Mania!

I saw this list on Mot’s blog and it got me thinking… so here goes:

8 TV Shows I Watch

Wow - this is a hard one, as I don’t follow any regular TV show. But here goes:

• The Rockford Files (on DVD -- thanks, Dad and Mimi)
• The News
• America’s Funniest Home Videos (I can't help it, I love that Tom Bergeron!)
• Boston Legal (only once this season, but it was the finale and Spader and Shatner were brilliant!)
• The American Kennel Club Dog Show Best in Show show, or whatever it's called, starring J. Peterman, every year after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade (including this year, and we had to return to our hotel room at the Marquis in Times Square after attending the parade in person to see it, perhaps to the chagrin of my wife)
• The occasional program I’ll stop at when clicking around (this could be anything, but usually it's something on History, Bio, or Discovery (William Shatner's Raw Nerve is a good one)
• Movies on MGMHD, UniversalHD, et al.
• The occasional 60’s or 70’s sitcom on TV Land when I find it (Andy Griffith a favorite)

I think that’s it for regular viewing - I‘ll add a new category:

More Shows I Wished I Watched

• Pushing Daisies (saw it twice when it premiered, thought it clever… is it still on?)
• 24 (saw it twice, both times at my sister’s house two or three years apart, including the two-hour TV movie last Thanksgiving week. And I loved it. What a great show -- tight writing, crisp direction…I could actually watch this if I want to give in to the TV demons)

8 Favorite Restaurants

• El Gaucho (best room in Seattle)
• Carmine’s (New York)
• The Metropolitan Grill (oh my, is the porterhouse to die for)
• Salty’s (named for a bald eagle that once nested outside the restaurant)
• Lizard’s Thicket (when visiting South Carolina this is a MUST STOP, as there are no options for a “meat and three” in the Northwest)
• Hyman’s (a regular stop when in Charleston, SC)
• Duke’s (best chowder in town, though I have yet to run into Marty Crane)
• Morton’s (Washington D.C., Chicago, Seattle: my first trip to Morton’s Seattle with my friend Ritter was last week, and we split a 24 oz. porter house, carved at our table -- the fillet side of the porterhouse was like cutting into a stick of butter. It was rich and succulent and spectacular!)

8 Things that Happened Today/Yesterday

• Snow has turned to rain, and I am thankful
• Christmas Day -- family, a great meal thanks to my wife, a happy child
• NOTHING happened at work today, which is a happening unto itself
• Saw some pictures of my new nephew, Boo
• Received some love from my grandmother over the phone
• My daughter hugged me and told me she loved me
• Received Swedish meatballs (I could not find lunch as everything within a block of the office was closed except McDonald's and I passed on that, and I did not want to walk more than a block in the rain. When I returned to the office to report my failure, Cathy gave me a frozen Lean Cuisine, bless her!)
• Received Christmas cards from Lori and Mike, Lorri and Dan, Uncle Ron and Aunt Cindy.

8 things I look forward to

• The new year with great and exciting changes!
• A flick with my friend Mike, who has been away for some weeks now caring for an ailing father
• The Obama effect -- change for the better in unemployment, taxes, property values, Iraq, and a substantial rise in my positions in my brokerage account
• A new bathroom upstairs
• My daughter’s birthday
• Snowmobiling next weekend -- Matt’s tuned up my sled and it’s time to break out the gear!
• A family trip to British Columbia (my daughter now has her passport!)
• Reading my wife’s novel

8 Things I Wish/Pray For

• A full recovery for Mike’s dad
• That my daughter is safe and happy
• My grandmother, who has moved to a new assisted living home
• The health and happiness of my new nephew, Boo
• Comfort for the family of a coworker whose Dad passed away on Christmas Day
• My families in South Carolina and Denver
• Comfort for the poor and struggling
• I hope my homeless friend, Pardion, is able to publish his book

Snow Sunday

Several times my friend Dan and I have attended the last regular season Seahawks home game together. Today's game is extra special, as it not only brings Favre and the Jets to town but it is coach Holmgren's final home game in Seattle.

But not this game. Not today. We'll let our seats catch snowflakes.

I'm not planning on spending too much time away from the house today.

Last night, during the storm, my daughter's Christmas yard swine blew over and was completely covered by new snowfall. The only indication that it is there is an eerie pink glow emanating from the blanket of white snow.

I only hope the Ritters made it back to Ritterhaus last night through the swirling snow and wind.

Christmastime

For the past several years my daughter has sought a yard display of some sort for the holidays. She had previously expressed interest in littering the lawn with tombstones for Halloween, an idea which I quickly vetoed. A Christmas display was more palatable, I told her, and she did not forget what she took from me back in October to be a promise.

Last weekend while we were shopping she took the liberty of creating an arrangement in the store aisle with the outdoor Christmas display items and announced that this would be our yard display. "I have cash, you have cash, together we'll get this stuff. I'll pay six dollars." She handed me two fives and asked for four ones back. "You pay the rest," she instructed.

When the goods were rung up at the register I had a Dave Ramsey moment but swallowed it for the sake of a child's Christmas.

My wife inquired as to what was in the boxes in the back of the rig.

"Yard displays."

I pointed out that our daughter did not elect for a traditional display, nor for a sacred one. "She wanted a pig," I said. "A Christmas pig."

Oink!

A Briefing about November

November was such a busy month that when I blinked it was gone.

Mike and I enjoyed our annual film festival, something I look forward to almost as much as Seattle's International Film Festival. (Though this year due to time constraints and my travel schedule the events were somewhat abbreviated.)

But it was a good month, filled with adventures and some
good times, and remains an appropriate introduction to this present holiday season.

A trip to New York for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was memorable for many reasons: the restaurants, shows, comfortable accommodations and the parade itself.

Our daughter stayed with family while we were away, and I am told that a highlight of her time with relatives was a sleepover at her cousin Lindsay's.

And speaking of our daughter: following an exchange of letters and photographs, she made a date with an old friend, Darian, and the two (chaperoned by the kids' dads) decided to meet at the Woodland Park Zoo. The kids had a ball, and the dads spent their time running after the two lunatics.

We finished off November and the first day of December back in South Carolina for a few days with family before returning to the Pacific Northwest.

And now with December well under way, and the holidays upon us, we hope to create more memories.

We took my daughter to her first symphonic concert on Friday night. She was resistant at first, recalling our disastrous outing to see the Transiberian Orchestra a few years back. But she said she was willing to try it. The evening also served as my first outing to the Seattle Pops as well, though I have seen performances at the hall.

Poor logistical planning on my part kept us from attending the Figgy Pudding Festival before the show, so we merely walked through it on the way to Beneroya Hall.

As it turned out the show was terrific and held enormous appeal for the kids. Conductor Marvin Hamlisch speaks to and interacts with his audience -- he is as much an entertainer as he is a conductor and great composer. Santa made an appearance and sang a couple of tunes (he's coming to town, you know!) And my daughter was partially won over.

Here is a review of the program, courtesy my seven-year-old:

The Seattle Pops: for a child it was pretty much okay, but it was long and we sat in the back row. And it did not snow in the back row, and I was disappointed. The best part was when Santa came, and Intermission, because I was hungry and I got to eat a chocolate mousse with a cookie on top. I liked Christmasy songs like “Winter Wonderland.” [The conductor] was famous and funny and I don’t think the Santa Claus was real. The conductor said he called him (Santa) but I don’t think anyone knows what Santa’s phone number is.

Forgetting One's Birthday

Something I have long feared about getting older: that birthdays will lose their magic.

I celebrated my birthday last week along with Ed Harris, Jon Stewart, Randy Newman and Judd Nelson. Anna Nichole Smith, I also learned, was born on the same year and day that I was.

We were in New York for the week while our daughter stayed with her grandparents. My wife wanted to go to Rockefeller Center to see Manilow (known in our home merely as 'Barry' or sometimes 'Barris') and just before he went on stage my daughter called me up on my cell phone and said, "Happy Birthday, Dad." And up to that moment the fact that it was my birthday had escaped both me and my wife.

Leave it to a seven-year-old to remember what's important. And leave it to a seven year old to bring a little excitement back into one's birthday by being the only one in the family to remember it.

(In their defense, pals Todd and Mike would chime in shortly thereafter with emailed birthday wishes of their own).

So here's a belated happy birthday wish to Dave's late-night buddy and bandleader Paul Shaffer!

More Selections from the Pacific Grits Diary

Once again I am delving into the old diary for some highlights from the past year.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I saw something about the Geico caveman TV show, wherein it was referred to as a “travesty of television.” Nothing could have pleased me more.


I watched a trailer for a new vampire movie, and was stuck how classless vampires have become in the past thirty or forty years. At one time, vampires took pride in their appearance: tuxedo, medal, silk-line cape. They were immaculately groomed and kept their fangs sharpened. Now, the vampires you see walking around look like street kids. Where do they keep their coffins?



Monday March 17, 2008 St. Patrick’s Day


Went to court to fight my ticket for running a red light near Sea-Tac airport on January 10. I was in Denver at the time of the infraction. These people are mad. The judge dismissed my case outright.



Sunday, April 20, 2008


My friend Mike, who lives a few miles away down in the valley, posted this: "I can't believe it's snowing again."10 AM Sunday: the thermometer on the back porch reads 50 degrees. The sun is out, yet snow and hail are raining down fairly hard this morning. It's either snow and hail, or the fallout.

Selections from the Pacific Grits Diary

Friday, September 29, 2006


Mom’s birthday – called her from Emerald Downs. I bet on a horse called Linda J in honor of mom’s birthday, long odds. But no dice, lost the $5 plus fifty more, then experienced a slight resurgence betting on some short odds ponies in the sixth and seventh races.



Friday, October 13, 2006


The Steve Johnson Fan Club 2006 Conference was under way today. The event was a smashing success, despite miserably low recruiting levels. I was presented with a nice pen for my service to the organization.



Friday, October 12, 2007

I assisted my sister, working with cosmetics professionals, in choosing her new scent. I steered her toward natural essences, and she seems pleased.



Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Eduardo’s Pizza. Mmmmmm. Connie’s is good, Pizzeria Uno and Pizza Duo are very good: Eduardo’s is nearly as good as Gino’s East, the best deep dish I’ve found in Chicago. I relish every opportunity I have to partake of this monstrous delicacy they call Chicago Style pizza. And only in the Windy City, oh yeah!

The Law of the Quantum of Solace

I was just reading a recent copy of the Gleaner. There is a farming slump on, and the potential for a downturn in the banana sector. I read the sports standings as well, as I follow the Western Basketball Division Frutra/Oasis Purified Water Development League.

The Gleaner, Jamaica's newspaper, is referenced in several of Ian Fleming's James Bond novels. The Bond of the books spent much of his time in the Caribbean. Fleming's short story, "Quantum of Solace," is collected with short stories "From a View to a Kill," "For Your Eyes Only," "Risico" and "The Hildebrand Party" in For Your Eyes Only. The title "Quantum of Solace" comes from a line of dialogue in the story.

The story, less than 20 pages long, is set in Nassau, the Bahamas, and is a story within a story, told by Nassau's Governor to James Bond following a dinner party.

I actually find the back story to this short story rather fascinating, though it is not explored. Bond happens to be in the Bahamas because the US Coast Guard is onto arms smuggling out of Miami to Castro's rebels in Cuba, so bases have been set up in the Bahamas and Jamaica to facilitate the arming of the Cuban rebels. Bond is there to stop it, and while in Nassau its Governor entertains Bond with an odd tale about the fate of a marriage.

And in the telling of this sordid tale the Governor uses the phrase "The Law of the Quantum of Solace."

The Law of the Quantum of Solace states that relationships can withstand many things -- infidelity, crimes, disease. But there is a point wherein civility no longer exists, and one person in the relationship does not care if the other is alive or dead. It becomes a matter of self preservation at that point, for the other.

Whether or not the new new Marc Forster film has anything remotely to do with Fleming's short story remains to be seen. But perhaps the essence of Governor's Law will remain intact. We'll find out on November 14.