Friday, August 15, 2008

Light Reading About Benefits

I actually sat down yesterday and read all 108 pages of my medical benefits guide. Every word. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. It makes for enlightening reading.

What I found most interesting was contained in the pages that addressed all of the things that are not covered by my medical plan. There were a few that made sense to me, including missed medical appointment charges, injuries sustained while in the military and housekeeping services. (Have you ever tried sending your housekeeper’s bill to your medical insurance company? If so, let me know how that went. I am looking for someone to underwrite maid service around here.)

Then there were a few things which are not covered under my plan which cause me great concern:

Morbid obesity. Perhaps I need to think twice about that late-night snack quart of ice cream.

Dyslexia. Are there medicatoins for tihs conditoin, or dotcors who treat ti?

Attempted Suicide. So should I fail to kill myself, then all the hospital bills come directly to me, further depressing me. Which could lead to another attempt.

Suicide. Aren’t we a little late for medical care at this point? I think funeral expenses become more likely than medical ones.

Injuries sustained during the commission of a felony. A reason to stay on the straight and narrow, I suppose. If I get shot by a cop while trying to rip off a 7-11 I suppose I deserve to pay for my own medical treatment.

Insanity. No kidding. It actually said, "insanity." Correct me if I am wrong, but are the insane that concerned with medical benefits anyway? I don’t think the Joker was too worried about who was going to be paying his doctor bills.


Auntie Joyce said...

If you get shot by a cop while trying to rob the local 7-11, you still don't have to worry about the medical bills; you are covered by the local sheriff's office. (your tax dollars hard at work, covering some crooks bullet wounds)

Caryn said...

Ah, yes, I noticed you snuggled up by the fire with a mug of coffee and your benefits book. You looked so cozy and enlightened I didn't want to disturb you.

Todd said...

Insanity is paying for healthcare that really doesn't cover the important things like morbid obesity. My plan at least covers hangovers...but only those resulting from domestic beer. Better lay off the imports.

Alan said...

Great entry, Jay. It does, however, remind me of my cousin Nigel who attempted to kill himself during a convenience store heist while trying to steal low calorie beer because he is... well, morbidly obese. He was unemployed without benefits, so it didn't really matter- but if his dyslexia had not cost him his job months before, it could have been a huge issue...