Monday, November 09, 2009

Good Morning, Captain

What's going on with Captain Crunch these days? Am I the only one who has noticed his transformation? Did he get a makeover? He looks more airbrushed, less...saltier.

There was a time when the good captain was truly a man of the sea, rugged and tough, a seadog who knew the stars and could navigate a sloop safely around the Cape of Good Hope with his eyes closed. And he could sniff out a ripe berry on a crunchberry vine from fifty paces and served up a cereal so crispy in milk that he was the envy of every galley on the seven seas. The look in his lined eyes bespoke a dignity becoming a seasoned seaman, and his smile was a knowing one, distinct and mature, suggesting a nobility that few of his peers (Sonny the Cuckoo Bird, the Trix Rabbit, Fred and Barney, to name a few) would ever come close to achieving.

Now he looks like an idiot. His eyebrows are on his hat. He sports a grin that suggests frenzied derangement and an ineptitude and incompetence so pervasive that I hesitate even opening the box. And what's with that salute? The old Captain Crunch would never stoop so low to hawk cereal using a proper naval salute. Sure, he'd salute in the presence of an admiral, or to return a salute from one of his trusted crew. But to him, a salute was a vital part of seafaring decorum that seems now lost upon him.

I understand he's been a Commodore since 2004. Whoever at Quaker is in charge of his publicity is doing a terrible job.

There really are only two conclusions one can draw from this most absurd transformation: either the Captain we all know and love is dead, and Quaker has replaced him with a poor imitation of the great man, or the Captain has gone truly insane.

I must contact the folks at Quaker, and eagerly await a reply.
Top: The Captain after his transformation; Botton: The good Captain as we remember him.


George said...

I think the repeal (or impending repeal) of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, has lulled the Captain to a false sense of security that his flamboyant tendancies will be will received. His partner, Count Chocula, has always been a bit more obvious, but now the couple are planning a Vermont wedding. He's even thinking of changing his name to Captain Fabulous! ...Not, that there's anything wrong with that.

Chuck said...

Personally, I am more curious at how one can remain a Captain for so long without being promoted to Admiral. What? Did Captain Crunch not go to the Academy? Is it something more insidious as George may suggest?