Tuesday, April 08, 2008


I have resigned my job.

I had initially planned to present my resignation orally, in person to my boss, with the following words:

"General, I gotta leave. There's a price on my head and if I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt I'm a dead man."

I thought that would be going out in style, with flair, needed and missed. My boss would tell me I was a good pilot and "I hate to lose you."

Needless to say, it did not quite go off that way. I ended up presenting my resignation in writing, using a template Chuck and I have used for more than 15 years, a template provided us by our old nemesis and neighbor, a law enforcement officer named Tony:


I hereby resign.


It is the perfect template for quitting your job. It is concise, clear, and doesn't send a mixed message with the inclusion of unnecessarily sappy "thank you"s and "it has been a pleasure to serve"s.

Feel free to use the Tony Resignation Template at no charge.


Rick said...

So I'm thinking you and Steve found jobs as ballboys and sweatwipers at the NBA games?

James said...

I actually caught an out-of-bounds ball at the last game, but the ref made me give it back. As for the jobs, our responsibilities are strictly sweat removal from the courts. You should see the towels they give us!

Todd said...

I could have used the Tony template at Pic N Pay Shoes, WQXL, and MCI. I regret ever using the sappy-thank-you format.

It ilks me to this very day.

Lori said...

So, what are your plans? I am hoping to resign my job as well and stay at home with Thomas, but not sure how that will pan out just yet.

Auntie Joyce said...

Any hopes of you guys moving back to the South? That would really be great!

Steve said...

I'm seriously thinking of having a full time go at NBA sweatwiping. I've got an interesting innovation that I think could take sweatwiping to the next level, though. Instead of towels, or those silly mops with towel heads, I would put on a full length terricloth bathrobe. As soon as the player gets up off the floor, I would dash out full speed and, with much flair, fling myself onto the floor. I'd roll around, mopping up the sweat, hop up and run off, just in time to escape any fast breaks. I'd be nude underneath the robe, of course. That's the "added flair."

Martha said...

Wow - a kinky sweatwiper. Now that's an occupation!

So Jay, what are you doing next?

James said...

I am going to work with an electrical contracting company as a partner. We specialize in building computer data centers.

Todd said...

Of course, the "Bill I'm quittin" template is my all time fave.